A Very potter musical
by alwaysmarauders
Summary: it's the play in written form. rated T
1. Act 1 part 1

**AN: hey this is just a written form of avpm, if you havent seen it check it out on youtube**

**disclaimer: i dont own this play it belongs to starkid productions, and j k rowling owns hp**

Harry sat on top of his suit case, and began to sing.

"Underneath these stairs  
>I hear the sneers and feel glares of<br>my cousin, my uncle and my aunt.

Can't believe how cruel they are  
>and it stings my lighting scar<br>to know that they'll never ever give me what I want.

I know I don't deserve these  
>stupid rules made by the Dursleys<br>here on Privet drive.

Can't take all of these muggles,  
>but despite all of my struggles,<br>I'm still alive.

I'm sick of summer and this waiting around.  
>Man, it's September, and I'm skipping this town<br>Hey It's no mystery, there's nothing here for me now"

Harry now stood up still singing.

"I gotta get back to Hogwarts,  
>I gotta get back to school.<br>Gotta get myself to Hogwarts,  
>where everybody knows I'm cool.<p>

Back to wizards and witches, and magical beasts,  
>to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts.<br>Its all that I love, and it's all that I need.  
>HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS, I think I'm going back-<p>

I'll see my friends, gonna laugh 'til we cry  
>take my Firebolt, gonna take to the sky<br>NO WAY this year anyone's gonna die, and it's gonna be totally awesome"

Harry took out his wand and twirled it in the air. And then put it back in his pocket.

"I'll cast some spells, with a flick of my wand  
>defeat the dark arts, yeah bring it on!<br>And do it all with my best friend Ron, 'cuz together we're totally awesome"

A door opened and there stood Ron " yeah, and it's gonna be totally awesome" he sang.

"Did somebody say Ron weasley" Ron said slamming the door shut. He ran over and hugged harry "sorry it took me so long to get over here I had to pick up some floo powder. Come on let's go."

"Where are we going." Harry asked.

"To Diagon alley of course come on."

They ran around in circles yelling "floo powder power, floo powder power, floo powder power. Until they reached Diagon alley

"It's been so long, but we're going back  
>don't go for work, don't go there for class" Ron sang.<p>

"As long as were together" harry started.

"Gonna kick some ass" Ron finished.

" And its gonna be totally awesome!  
>This year we'll take everybody by storm,<br>stay up all night, sneak out of our dorm" they both sang

Then Hermione entered from behind them smiling, she sang.

"But let's not forget that we need to perform well in class  
>if we want to pass our OWLS!"<p>

"god Hermione, why do you have to be such a buzz kill." Ron said as more people were entering Diagon alley, filling up the street.

"Because guys, schools not all about having fun, we need to study hard if we wanna become good witches and wizards." Said Hermione.

"I may be frumpy, but I'm super smart  
>check out my grades, they're "A's" for a start<br>what I lack in looks well I make up in heart,  
>and well guys, yeah, that's totally awesome<p>

this year I plan to study a lot..." sang Hermione

"That would be cool if you were actually hot" Ron said gaining a glare from Hermione

"Hey Ron, come on, we're the only friends that she's got!" harry joked.

"and that's cool..." Ron sang

"... and that's totally awesome" Hermione sang

"yeah it's so cool, and it's totally awesome!" the three of them all sang

"we're sick of summer and this waiting around  
>it's like we're sitting in the lost and found<br>don't take no sorcery  
>for anyone to see how...<p>

we gotta get back to hogwarts  
>we gotta get back to school<br>we gotta get back to hogwarts  
>where everything is magic-cooooool"<p>

"back to wizards and witches, and magical beasts  
>to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts<br>it's all that I love, and it's all that I need at  
>HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS" everyone in Diagon alley sang while dancing<p>

"- I think we're going back..." harry Ron and hermione sang


	2. Act 1 Part 2

"RON" Ginny chased after Ron, Harry and Hermione. "You're supposed to take me to Madam Malkin's, and use those sickles mom gave you for my robe fittings."

"Umm who's this" Harry asked Ron.

"Uh this is stupid little dumb sister Ginny, she's a freshmen, Ginny this is Harry, Harry Potter" Ron said.

"You're Harry Potter; you're the boy who lived." Ginny said shocked.

"Yeah, and you're Ginny" Harry replied.

"It's Ginevra."

"Cool Ginny's fine" said Harry.

"Stupid sister" Ron said clapping loudly right in front of Ginny's ear.

"Ahhh" Ginny screamed, putting her hands over her ears.

"Don't crowd the famous friend." Ron said putting his arm around Harry's shoulder.

"Do you guys hear music or something" Hermione asked.

"Music what are you talking about?" Ron asked.

"Yeah someone's coming" Harry said.

Just then Cho Chang and her possy entered and started to sing.

"Cho Chang  
>Domo arigato, Cho Chang<br>Gung Hey Fat Choy, Chang  
>Happy, Happy New Year, Cho Chang"<p>

"Oh who's that?" Ginny asked.

"That's Cho Chang, that's the girl Harry's totally been in love with since freshmen year." Ron said.

"Yeah, but he won't say anything to her" Hermione added.

"Well yeah, you never tell a girl you like her it makes you look like an idiot." Ron said.

Ginny walk up to one of the girls, the girl had long black hair and was distinctively Asian. Ginny tapped her on the shoulder

"Konichiwa Cho Chang, it is good to meet you I am Ginny weasley" Ginny held out her hand.

"Bitch, I aint Cho Chang." The girl said.

Ron grabbed his sister's arm and pulled her back to where Harry and Hermione were standing.

"THAT'S LAVENDER BROWN" Ron yelled and clapped loudly again near Ginny's ear.

"Ahhh" Ginny screamed again.

"Racist sister." Ron said.

"Hey it's all right" said a tall girl with a Texan accent, walking over. "I'm Cho Chang y'all"

"She is totally perfect." Harry said.

"Yeah too bad she's dating Cedric Diggory, though huh." Said Ron.

"What, who the hell is Cedric Diggory" Harry asked.

Then Cedric entered from behind Harry.

"What is that, who is that guy." Harry said.

Cedric pushed them all aside and started to sing.

"Oh, Cho Chang  
>I am so in love with Cho Chang<br>From Bangkok to Ding Dang  
>I sing my love aloud for Cho Chang"<p>

While singing he danced with Cho a little bit. Once he had finished they ran off, followed by Cho's possy.

"I hate that guy, I hate him." Said Harry.

"So are we gonna get those robes or not" Ron half yelled at Ginny.

"Ok, Al'right lets go." Replied Ginny.

"God, sister"

The four of them left and in walked Neville, but he was stopped by Crabbe and Goyle.

"Present your arm nerd" Goyle growled taking out his wand.

Neville nervously held out his arm, and Goyle pointed his wand at it.

"Indian burn hex" he growled.

"Ahhh" Neville screamed, falling to his knee's.

Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny all re-entered.

"Oh, Crabbe and Goyle" Ron said.

Ginny knelt down to help Neville. "are You okay" she asked.

"Hey, why don't you leave Neville Longbottem alone, huh" Harry said to Crabbe and Goyle.

"Well, well, well if it isn't Harry Potter. You think all because your famous you can boss everyone around" Goyle growled.

"No, I just don't think it's cool for guys your size should be picking on guys like Neville, come on."

"Oh yeah, well you know what I think, I think glasses are for nerds." Goyle took off Harry's glasses and broke them. "We hate nerds."

"And girls." Added Crabbe pointing at Ginny and Hermione.

"We'll, you asked for it, you don't mess with Harry Potter, he beat the Dark lord when he was a baby," said Ron from behind Hermione.

"Al'right, everyone just calm down. Oculus Repairo" Hermione said pointing her wand at harry's glasses, they immediately fixed themselves.

"Wow, cool" Harry said as he put his glasses back on.

"Now let's leave these big baby childish jerks alone" Hermione said grabbing Harry and starting to leave.

"Did someone say Draco Malfoy" Draco said entering. Hermione, harry, Ron and Ginny stopped.

"What do you want Draco" Harry said.

"Crabbe, Goyle, go pay for my robes will you" Draco said handing them some money. He then turned back to Harry. "So Potter, Back for another year at Hogwarts are you, maybe this year you'll wise up and hang out with the higher wizard" Draco said striking a pose.

"Listen Draco Ron and Hermione are my best friends in the whole world, I wouldn't trade them for anything." Harry said putting his arms around Ron and Hermione, Ginny tried to join but Ron pushed her away.

"Have it your way." Draco said, he then turned to Ginny "Wait, don't tell me, red hair, hand-me down clothes and a stupid complexion. You must be a weasley."

"Oh My God, lay off Malfoy, she may be a pain in the ass okay, but she's my pain in the ass" Ron said.

"Well, isn't this cute, it's like a little loser family, Hogwarts has really gone to the dogs." Draco said as Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny left and Crabbe and Goyle came back. " Luckily next year, I'll be transferred to Pigfarts." And then Malfoy started to sing.

"this year you bet I'm gonna get outta here  
>the reign of Malfoy is drawing near<br>Ill have the greatest wizard career,  
>and its gonna be totally awesome<p>

Look out world, for the dawn of the day  
>When everyone will do whatever I say<br>And that Potter won't be in my way, and then  
>I'll be the one who is totally awesome!"<p>

And then Goyle half growled half sang, "Yeah, you'll be the one who is totally awesome."

The Train whistle blew and all of the other students came in"

"Guys come on were gonna miss the train." Hermione said. And then everyone started to sing and dance.

"Who knows how fast this year's gonna go?  
>Hand me a glass, let the butterbeer flow"<p>

"Maybe at last, I'll talk to Cho" sang harry.

"Oh no, that'd be way too awesome" sang Ron.

"Were back to learn everything that we can  
>Its great to come back to where we began<br>And here we are, and alakazam! Here we go, this is totally awesome!" everyone sang

They were now all at Hogwarts, in the great hall.

"Come on and teach us everything you know  
>the summers over and were itchin to go<br>I think we're ready for" sang everyone.

"Albus Dumbledore" Said Neville.

Dumbledore entered and started to sing.

"Welcome, all of you to Hogwarts  
>I Welcome back you all to school<br>Did you know that here at Hogwarts  
>We've got a hidden swimming pool?<p>

Welcome, welcome, welcome Hogwarts  
>Welcome, all you hotties, nerds, and tools<br>Now that I've got you here at Hogwarts  
>Id like to go over just a couple of rules"<p>

"My name is Albus Dumbledore and I am Headmaster of Hogwarts, you can all call me, Dumbledore, of course you could also call me Albus if you wanted detention... I'm just kidding, I'll expel you if you call me Albus." He said.

Everyone started singing Again.

"Back to wizards and witches, and magical beasts  
>to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts<br>it's all that I love, and all that i need.  
>At HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS,<p>

Back to spells and enchantments, potions and friends" they all sang

"To Gryffindors!" the Gryffindors sang.

"Hufflepuffs!" the Hufflepuffs sang.

"Ravenclaws!" the Ravenclaws sang

"Slytherins!" the Slytherins hissed.

"Back to the place where our story begins  
>its Hogwarts, Hogwarts," everyone sang.<p>

"I'm sorry, what's its name?" Dumbledore asked.

"Hogwarts, Hogwarts" the students sang.

"I didn't hear you kids" Dumbledore said.

"Hogwarts, Hogwarts" the students sang.

"Man I'm glad I'm back" harry said.

They ended the song with their wands up in the air.


	3. Act 1 Part 3

All of the students put down their wands and returned to their tables, as Dumbledore started to speak.

"Welcome to another year at Hogwarts, and a very special welcome to my favourite student, Mr. Harry Potter." Dumbledore said walking over to Harry. All of Gryffindor house cheered when he said Harry's name. "He killed Voldemort when he was just a baby, he's even got that little lightning scar to prove it. And another very special welcome to our newest addition to Gryffindor Mr. Ginny Wea- excuse me Mrs. Ginny Weasley."

Ginny looked very sad, she stood up and said "Yeah I'm a girl, and umm also, I thought we were supposed to be sorted by the sorting hat."

"A funny thing happened to the sorting hat" Dumbledore said. " He actually got hitched with another piece of enchanted magical clothing, so he and the scarf of sexual preference aren't going to be back until next year." As Dumbledore said this Ginny nodded and sat back down, Dumbledore continued " Basically I've just been putting anyone who looks like a good guy into Gryffindor and anybody who looks like a bad guy into Slytherin, and the other two can just go wherever the hell they want I don't really care."

Cedric Diggory stood up and said "Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders."

"What the hell is a Hufflepuff?" Dumbledore said. Cedric shrugged his shoulders and sat back down. "Anyway, its time now for me to introduce my very good friend, and our own potions professor, Mr. Severus Snape." Dumbledore continued.

"Aw man" Harry said.

"Ugh Snape, I'd hoped they'd fired that guy." Ron said through a mouthful of Chinese food.

"Why, what's wrong with professor Snape?" Ginny asked.

"Uh nothing, he's just uh evil." Ron said. Just as he was saying this Snape entered the great hall.

"Come on Ron he's not that bad, I don't know what you're talking about" Harry said.

"Harry Potter" Snape drawled "Detention."

"What!" Harry said standing up.

"For talking out of turn." Snape drawled. Harry sat back down angrily. "now before we begin" Snape continued "I'm going to give you all your very, very first pop quiz."

Everyone groaned except for Hermione who smiled, Snape then said "Can anyone tell me what a portkey is." When Hermione's hand shot straight up into the air he said " yes miss Granger."

"A portkey is an enchanted object that when touched can transport you anywhere in world." Hermione said very quickly.

"A very good, now can anyone tell me what foreshadowing means." Snape said.

Once again Hermione's hand shot straight up in the air "Yes, miss Granger" said Snape.

"Foreshadowing is a dramatic device in which an important plot point is mentioned early on in the story to return later in a more significant way" Hermione said once again very fast.

"Perfect" Snape said.

"Wait what's a portkey again I missed that one." Ron asked.

"Oh a portkey is something (while Hermione was talking Ron mumbled "oh god, not you") that when you touch you are transported..." Hermione started to explain but she heard what Ron said and then stopped.

"And remember a portkey can be any sort of seemingly harmless object, like a football or a dolphin" Snape said.

"Professor, can like a person be a portkey." Lavender asked.

"No that's absurd cause then if a person were to touch themselves..." Snape looked pointedly at Ron' "they would constantly be transported into different places, a person can however be a horcrux."

"What's a, what's a horcrux." Harry asked.

"I'm not even going to tell you Harry, you'll find out soon enough" Snape said.

"Professor, what is the point of this quiz." Hermione asked.

"Oh no, no point in particular, just information that everyone here should know... especially you" Snape pointed to a member of the audience. "Now, moving right along there are four houses normally, Gryffindor"

"Yeah" said the Gryffindors.

"Ravenclaw." Snape said.

"Ow" said the Ravenclaws.

"Hufflepuff." Said Snape.

"FIND" said Cedric.

"What, and Slytherin" Said Snape.

The Slytherins hissed and Draco said "Yes" putting his hand up in the air like a snake.

"Traditionally points are given for good behaviour, and deducted for rule breaking, example. Ten points from Gryffindor" said Snape.

"What" all of Gryffindor house said.

"For Miss Granger's excessive baby fat." Snape said squeezing Hermione's cheeks.

"Thanks Hermione" Harry and Ron said sarcastically.

"Traditionally the house with the most points at the end of the year would win the house cup, however this year we've changed it to something different, and her to introduce it is our new professor of the dark arts, professor quirrel."

A man with a turban on his head entered the great hall, "Ow, Ow" Harry said as he walked in. Harry clutched his scar, as it had just started hurting randomly .

"House cup, a time honoured tradition, for centuries..." Quirrel began.

He was interrupted by Draco yelling "Go home terrorist." Everyone looked at Draco but he acted innocently as if nothing had happened.

"For centuries, the four houses of Hogwarts have competed for the glory of holding the title of house champion, but where does this competition come from, and what are the roots of the competition."

Hermione shot up her hand and said "the house cup tournament began with the first generation of Hogwarts students."

"That was a rhetorical question" Quirrel said.

"Granger quit interrupting, twenty points from Gryffindor." Dumbledore said.

"Thanks Hermione." Ron muttered.

"As I was saying, when the tournament first originated it was one of a completely different sorts, one champion from each of the four houses was to complete a series of dangerous tasks, challenges, the winner would not only win the cup but would also eternal glory." Quirrel said.

"Kind of like the house cup... uh no like the triwizard tournament." Hermione asked.

"Yes sort of, like the Triwizard tournament, except no not like that at all, there are four houses how can it be the triwizard tournament with four teams." Quirrel said.

"Well umm professor if I remember correctly the house cup tournament was disbanded after one semester when one of the students was killed during the first task." Hermione said.

"Yes, it is very dangerous but the rewards are out weighing the risks" quirrel said.

"I don't think you heard me, I just said somebody died." Hermione stated.

"Hermione Granger, shut your lopsided mouth and quit interrupting" Dumbledore yelled. "Twenty more points, god for the smartest witch of your age you really can be a dumbass, ooh ten points to Dumbledore."

"Yes, yes well it will be very dangerous but the winner will be remembered as a hero for ages to come, and as the professor of defence against the dark arts, I think this practical application is exactly what this curriculum needs." Quirrel said.

All of a sudden there was a sneeze coming from Quirrel's turban.

"Did your turban just sneeze" Dumbledore asked.

"What, no" Quirrel stuttered.

"I could have sworn I heard a sneeze coming from your direction but your mouth wasn't moving." Dumbledore said.

"No, that was, that was simply a fart." Quirrel said.

Another sneeze erupted from Quirrel's turban, this time quirrel bumped into Harry, all of o sudden Harry's scar began to burn "ow, ow, ow, oh jeez ow." He said.

"I must be going." Quirrel said. Another sneeze came from the turban "I simply farted once more"

Quirrel left the hall and Dumbledore began to talk again "In accordance to the newly resurrected house cup, a champion from each house will be selected to compete, so Snape, and do be honest please."

Snape came in carrying the house cup "Yes Headmaster." He said, then he drew a peice of paper out of the cup. "First from the Ravenclaw house, a Miss Cho Chang."

"Oh my god I won, can you believe it thank god." Cho said.

"Next from Hufflepuff, Mr. Cedric Diggory" said Snape.

"Well I don't find this surprising at all" Cedric said.

"I find it perfect, now I can spend more time with my beloved boyfriend." Cho said.

"I'm glad as well my darling." Cedric said kissing Cho on the head.

"And next from the Slytherin house, a Draco Malfoy" said Snape.

"Ha" said Draco standing up " I finally beat you didn't I Potter." Draco walked over to Harry. " look at that huh I'm the champion this time" Draco began to lay down on Hermione and Harry's laps, he then rolled onto the floor and stood back up fixing his robes, he started walking back to his table.

"Draco would you sit down you little shit, champions just a title." Dumbledore said.

"And finally from the Gryffindor house... oh my well isn't this curios the one person in all of Hogwarts whom I have a well known grudge against has been selected for a tournament where he might die." Snape said.

Neville stood up "If it's me I apologize to the rest of Gryffindor right now for losing."

"Sit down you inarticulate bung, it's Harry Potter." Snape said.

"WOO, WOO,WOO,WOO, WOO,WOO" Ron cheered, the rest of Gryffindor cheered to just not as loudly.

"So here they are folks the four Hogwarts champions" Dumbledore said "I want all of you to start preparing immediately, because the first task is in two months, so let's get to it."

Everyone got up and started to leave, while they were going Cho's possy were chanting "Cho Chang, Cho Chang, Cho Chang."

Malfoy tried to start a chat for himself "Malfoy, Malfoy, Malfo.." but no one joined in "Hey" he said and sulked out of the hall.


	4. Act 1 Part 4

Everyone besides Harry, Ron and Hermione had left the great hall.

"Harry, you've got this tournament thing in the bag." Ron said.

"I don't know man that Cedric Diggory guy, he's pretty awesome NOT. He sucks I'm totally gonna win, it's in the bag." Harry said, he and Ron High fived.

"I don't know Harry" Hermione started, but Ron interrupted her.

"OH my god Hermione shut up, why do you have to rain on everyone's parade" said Ron.

"Because Ron this is dangerous" Hermione said.

"Dangerous, it's not going to be dangerous, especially for me." Harry said

"You're not invincible Harry, somebody died in this tournament." Hermione stated.

"Uh well I'm the boy that lived not died, god, what's the worst that could happen." Harry said.

"And I don't know about that Quirrel character, you know first he resurrects some horrible ancient tournament, then he bumps into you and your scar starts to burn, and you have to admit there is something really funky about the back of his head" Hermione said.

"Come on think about it, professor quirrel is a professor and who hires professors, Dumbledore" Harry said, Ron Joined in and said Dumbledore with him. "Dumbledore's the smartest most awesomist, practical wizard, beautiful wizard in the whole world, why would he possibly hire someone that's trying to hurt me." Harry said.

"Well, I mean what about Snape?" Hermione asked.

"Yeah what about him?" said Harry.

"He's hated you for years, and he's hated your parents too Harry everybody knows that. And he just so happens to pick your name out of the house cup out of hundreds if not five possible Gryffindors" Hermione said.

"Yeah what a coincidence, I lucked out." Harry said.

"No Harry I don't think it is a good coincidence, when you killed Voldemort you made a lot of enemies, ones who you might not even know about." Hermione said.

"Alright, your saying that this tournament is just one big ploy to try and kill me" Said harry.

"Maybe" Hermione said. "Anyway I just think it's dangerous and I don't think you should do it"

"Alright Hermione if it means that much to you I'll drop out" Harry said.

"Really, thank you" Hermione said

"Wait what, the house cup what about all the eternal glory you'd win come on" Ron said.

"Hey, eternal glory, already got that, besides Neville will be a great champion." Harry said.

"No, no, no, I don't want shlong bottom to be our champion."

"Ok look all you have to do... oh look there's Dumbledore why don't you just talk to him now and tell him that your dropping out." Hermione said.

"Umm, listen Hermione Dumbledore and I are really cool were super tight and I don't want him to think that I'm being lazy, so can you just tell him, why don't you tell him, tell him I gotta work on school or something right, ok you got this, you're the best." Harry tapped Hermione on the nose.

"Alright, ok" Hermione said "Dumbledore" she walked over to Dumbledore.

"Yes Granger." Dumbledore said.

"Uh, I need to talk to you for a moment; it's about the house cup tournament. Um well first of all I think it's an awful idea but um second of all I don't think that Harry Potter should compete." Hermione stuttered.

"Granger, why do you gotta be such a big ole stick in the mud huh. Pray tell me why Harry Potter should not compete." Dumbledore said.

"Uh because... he... wants to study." Hermione said.

"Granger nobody studies at Hogwarts except for you." Dumbledore said.

" Okay well he wants to focus on the owls." Hermione said hopefully.

"Why couldn't harry have told me this himself he thinks I'm cool, were tight."

"Professor... I'm a really bad liar, Ok I think it's a really bad idea, a set up, and I think Snape might be trying to kill Harry Potter."

Dumbledore started to get angry. "Severus Snape is one of the kindest, bravest, gentlest, sexiest man I have ever known."

Hermione looked kind of confused, Dumbledore continued " Severus Snape is trying to Kill Harry Potter just as much as he is trying to kill me."

Just then Snape entered the hall holding something underneath his cloak. "Oh why professor Dumbledore, I just happened to be in the kitchen and I made you this delicious sandwich." Snape pulled out a sandwich with a bomb inside it.

"Oh why thank you Severus, you see Granger how thoughtful." Dumbledore said.

Hermione stood with her mouth wide open, she could see the bomb inside the sandwich and wondered how Dumbledore could miss that.

"Here you are professor." Snape said giving the sandwich to Dumbledore. "Bomb appetite, I mean bon appetite." Snape pushed some numbers into the bomb causing it to beep and then ran off.

"Umm, is that sandwich ticking?" Hermione asked shocked.

"It looks like its licking, finger licking good." Dumbledore said.

"Um, professor I don't think you should eat that sandwich." Hermione said as the ticking sound increased.

"Come on Granger, listen to Snape more often you might even get out of it."

Then Hermione Grabbed the sandwich and ran off with it.

"Granger what the... Granger what the hell are you doing." Dumbledore said as Hermione threw the sandwich behind a curtain as it exploded, she walked back to Dumbledore while he yelled "you dogoned exploded my sandwich."

"I'm sorry sir." Hermione said.

"Hey even if I did believe that Harry Potter was in danger he has to compete, you see that cup."

"Yes." Hermione said even though there was no cup.

"Who's ever name comes out of the cup has to compete of the result would be bad." Dumbledore said.

"What do you mean bad?" Hermione asked.

"Try to imagine your entire life stopping instantaneously, every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light." Dumbledore said.

"Plutonic reversal." Hermione said.

"Yeah, so you see he has to compete, Hermione if it makes you feel any better the last guy that died in the tournament was a Hufflepuff so umm I'll keep my eyes open and nothings gonna get past old Dumbledore, now I gotta make myself another sandwich although I don't know how it's gonna be as good as the last one, the last one ticked." Dumbledore then left the hall.

Hermione shook her head and mumbled "Cause it was a bomb." She walked over to Harry and Ron. "Harry I'm so sorry but I think you're going to have to compete in the house cup tournament, but don't worry I won't rest until I find out what the first task is going to be." Hermione sat down beside Harry.

Ron who was on the other side of him said "And I'll sabotage all the other champions so you will win by default." Ron put his arm around Harry.

"Alright" Harry said.

Then Crabbe, Goyle and Malfoy came in, with Goyle carrying Malfoy.

"Well isn't this touching?" Malfoy said as Goyle set him down on the ground.

"Oh my god butt out Malfoy." Ron said through a mouthful of chips.

Malfoy started to roll on the floor towards the golden trio. "Goyle and I have a bet you know, he says you won't last five minutes in this tournament, I disagree, I say you won't last five minutes... on Pigfarts." Draco said.

"What, alright Malfoy, what is Pigfarts." Harry said.

"Oh, never heard of it, huh figures." Draco said lying down on one of the benches at the tables. "Famous Potter doesn't even know about Pigfarts." Draco rolled off the bench.

"Malfoy don't act like you don't want to talk about it, that's like the ninth time you've mentioned Pigfarts, what's Pigfarts." Harry asked.

"Pigfarts is only the greatest wizarding school in the galaxy; it's where I'm being transferred next year." Draco said.

"Malfoy, I've never heard of that." Hermione said.

"That's because Pigfarts" Draco paused for dramatic effect "Is on mars."

"Ok you know were trying to have a conversation here so why can't you just leave us alone." Harry said.

"Oh, no I'm not even here." Draco said.

The trio started to continue their conversation but as soon as they said the word Dumbledore Draco piped back in "Dumbledore, pfft what an old coot, he's nothing like Rumbleroar."

"RUMBLERAOR." Goyle roared. The trio was starting to get annoyed now.

"Any way as I was saying..." Harry started.

"Rumbleroar is the head master of Pigfarts, he's a lion who can talk." Draco said.

"If you don't mind we're trying to have a conversation it's not even, you're not even eating get out of here." Harry said.

"Well, I can't help it if I can hear everything you say we're the only ones in here." Draco said.

"Well come on why don't you just get out of here." Harry said.

"Where are we supposed to go?" Draco asked.

"Uh I don't know, uh Pigfarts." Harry said, Hermione and Ron laughed.

"Oh now you're just being cute, I can't go to Pigfarts it's. On. Mars." Draco said walking over to the trio. "You need a rocket ship." Draco was now behind the three of them. "Do you have a rocket ship Potter" Draco stuck his head in between Ron and harry's heads. "I bet you do, not all of us inherited enough money to buy out N.A.S.A when our parents died." Draco then crawled in between them and onto the floor, he began to roll around again. "Look at this, look at this, rocket ship Potter, Star kid Potter, Moon shoes Potter traversing the galaxy for intergalactic travels to Pigfarts." Draco stood up again.

"That's it, this is the most misguided way to try and make me feel jealous, I don't care if you make fun of me but if you bring my parents into this it's a whole other story." Harry stood up and started walking towards Malfoy, who was slowly backing up. Hermione and Ron stood up too.

"Whoa not so fast Potter, Crabbe, Goyle." Malfoy said pushing Crabbe and Goyle ahead of him as he hid under a bench.

"BACK OFF NERD."Goyle growled walking up to Harry. Harry backed up

Draco who was clinging on to the underside of the bench said "Not so tough now are you Potter, maybe you should hand out with someone better then that lollygagging ginger and his stupid mudblood girlfriend."

Harry and Ron were both cowering away from Goyle, Hermione on the other hand wasn't afraid of him "oh that's it Malfoy, Jelly legs jinx." She waved her wand at Crabbe and Goyle and then advanced on Malfoy.

"Oh Come on" Malfoy whined.

"Hey no fair our legs are jelly." Goyle said as he and Crabbe fell to the floor.

Hermione Grabbed Malfoy by his tie "Take it back Malfoy." She said pointing her wand at him.

"Take what back." Malfoy whined.

"Take back what you said about you're stupid made up space school." Hermione said.

"Yeah and all the stuff you said about Hermione being my girlfriend that's not even a little bit true" Ron said.

"And say you're sorry for calling me a you know what." Hermione said.

"I'm sorry." Malfoy whined.

"And you promise you'll never do it again." Hermione asked.

"I promise." Malfoy said.

"Alright" Hermione said letting go of Malfoy "next time we tell you to leave us alone you better do it." Hermione started to walk away "come on, Harry, Ron, let's get out of here, besides you already ate all my food."

"Thanks Hermione.' Harry said standing up, Ron stood up too.

Hermione pointed her wand at Crabbe and Goyle and said "Unjellify."

"Wow that was like the most bad ass thing I've ever seen, too bad no one was here to see it though." Ron said as the three of them walked out of the hall.

Goyle, and Crabbe got up. Draco was staring at where the trio had just left.

"Wow" Goyle said "that sucked royal hippogriff; we got beat by a girl, who is a nerd."

"I didn't mean what I said you know." Malfoy said feeling his nose for blood. "Pigfarts is real, am I, am I bleeding, Goyle."

Goyle crawled over to Malfoy and sniffed his nose. "No" he growled, getting back up.

"Oh, I thought maybe just a little bit." Malfoy said still checking his nose "Wow, I've never been pushed down like that by a girl" Draco frowned "Maybe I shouldn't call her a mud... Whatever." Draco got up.

"I can't believe I couldn't figure out the counter curse was just Unjellify." Goyle growled.

"Right, I'm not surprised, come on let's go watch Wizards of Waverly Place." Malfoy said, he left the great hall followed by Crabbe and Goyle.


	5. Act 1 Part 5

**An: Hey every body sorry for my lateness, but anyways here's Act 1 part 5**

**Discliamer: I don't own nothin.**

Quirrel walked into the room talking to himself.

"Fools, their all fools, they think they're safe, they think they're back for another fun year of learning shenanigans at Hogwarts, little do they know the danger that's lurking right under their noses... or should I say on the back of their heads." Quirrel turned around and pulled the turban off of his head, revealing Voldemort who was on the back of his head.

"Ahaaaaaaaaaaa..." Voldemort began but started coughing. "I can't breathe in that damn turban."

"I'm sorry my lord it's a necessary precaution, for if they knew that you lived, that when harry potter destroyed you your soul lived on." Quirrel said.

"Yes that I was forced to live in the forbidden forest eating bugs, and mushrooms, and ugh unicorn blood." Voldemort said.

"Yes until I found you and let you attach yourself to my soul." Quirrel said.

"Yes nobody must know any of that, now, quirrel, get me some water." Voldemort ordered.

Quirrel bent over and picked up a bottle of water off of a nearby chair.

"Now Quirrel, pour it in my mouth." Voldemort ordered again.

Quirrel unscrewed the lid of the plastic water bottle and held it up to voldemort's mouth letting the water pour in.

"You're plan to infiltrate Hogwarts on the back of my head is going swimmingly my lord." Quirrel said still pouring water into Voldemort's mouth.

"Yes, Yes, yes, Done with the water." Voldemort snapped. Quirrel capped the water bottle and leaned down to put It back on the chair. "We must not have any more foul-ups like tonight." Voldemort said.

"I'm sorry my lord, _you _sneezed" Quirrel said.

"I know that" Voldemort snapped "get me some nazonex you swine."

Quirrel bent down to grab the nazonex , he uncapped the lid and held it up to Voldemort's nose, Voldemort sniffed it and then so did Quirrel followed by a grimace.

"Wash that turban, it tickles my nose" Voldemort sneered.

"Yes my dark king." Quirrel said.

"Just relax with the dark king thing." Voldemort said "I watch you wipe your but daily, you can call me Voldemort, we're there, we've reached that point."

"Yes, yes my lo... Voldemort." Quirrel said.

"Quirrel, get us ready for bed." Voldemort said "we must be well rested if we wish to kill Potter." Voldemort said as Quirrel bent over picking things up, and fluffing pillows. "Tonight in the great hall he was so close I could nearly touch him. Revenge is at my finger tips I can taste it."

Quirrel drank Listerine, while Voldemort said "It tastes like... cool mint."

"That's our Listerine Voldemort." Quirrel said.

"Yes, excellent." Voldemort said "Well, goodnight Quirrel."

"Goodnight." Quirrel said as he lay down, which caused Voldemort to have his face in the pillow.

"Ok, OK I can't do this." Voldemort said as he lifted his head up "You gotta roll over, I can't sleep on my tummy.

"I always sleep on my back, I have back troubles its the only way I'm comfortable." Quirrel said.

"You roll over right now or I'll... I'll eat your pillow, you'll be having a dream that you're eating a giant marshmallow but when you wake up your favourite goose feather pillow will be missing." Voldemort snarled.

Quirrel rolled over on his side so now Voldemort was facing the chair "Fine we'll compromise, we'll both sleep on our sides." Quirrel said.

"Okay I guess I can do this." Voldemort said.

"So goodnight" Quirrel said.

"Goodnight Quirrel." Everything was quite for a little bit but then Voldemort saw a pile of clothing on the chair he was facing "Hey Quirrel. How long have those robes been on that chair?" He said.

"I think they're from last night I just put them there for now." Quirrel said.

"Well are you planning on putting them in a hamper, what's your plan with this?" Voldemort said.

"I figured I'd just leave them there for now and then put them away in the morning okay."Quirrel said.

"No, no, no that's not okay; I can't go to sleep knowing that there are dirty clothes on that chair, the chairs going to start to smell like dirty clothes." Voldemort snapped.

"Well I Promise I'll put them away in the morning." Quirrel said.

"You put them away right now, I command you to get up and... Fold them at least, make it into a neat pile" Voldemort snapped again.

They got off the bed and stood up "Look if we're going to be in this situation a while then we're going to have to live with each other, and I've been single for all my life and I have some habits, and sometimes I leave laundry around" Quirrel said.

"Well I believe that everything has it's place." Voldemort said "Muggles have their place, mudbloods have their place and so do your clothes, namely a dresser."

"Well, aren't we an odd couple." Quirrel said.

Music started and quirrel began to sing.

"You won't sleep on your tummy."

"You won't sleep on your back" Voldemort sang

"We're quite a kooky couple you'll agree" They both sang.

"We share some hands and fingers" Quirrel sang

"And yet the feeling lingers" Voldemort sang dragging out lingers.

"We're just about as different as anyone could be" They both sang.

"You like plotting a garden and I like plotting to kill" Voldemort sang

"You think that you should rule the world, I think books are a thrill!  
>Sipping tea by the fires swell" Quirrel sang.<p>

"Pushing people in is fun as well  
>I like folding all my ties" Voldemort sang<p>

"And you have no friends, hey that's a surprise" Quirrel countered.

"I guess its plain to see  
>when you look at you and me<br>were different  
>different<br>as can be" They both sang.

"Your a sissy, a twat a girl! I'm the darkest of lords!" Voldemort sang.

"I'm the brightest professor here, I've won several awards" Quirrel sang, while folding the robes.

"My new world is about to unfold" Voldemort sang.

"You got beat by a two year" Quirrel sang. Voldemort glared.

"Ill kill him this time through and through" Voldemort sang "Or you might just give him another tattoo." Quirrel sang.

"You really must agree  
>when you look at you and me<br>were different  
>different<br>as can-" They both sang

"Ill rise again and Ill rule the world  
>But you must help me renew<br>For when our plan succeeds" Voldemort sang.

"Prevails!" Quirrel corrected.

"Part of that world goes to you" Voldemort sang.

"When I rule the world Ill plant flowers" Quirrel sang.

"When I rule the world Ill have snakes  
>And goblins, and werewolves, and giants, and thestrals,<br>a fleet of dementors, and all my Death Eaters!" Voldemort listed, while quirrel sang "And Jane Austin novels."

"When I rule the world! Hahahaha!" They laughed, Quirrel picked up his turban and they left.


	6. Act 1 Part 6

**AN: Sorry for such a long wait, I've been busy **

**I hope you guys like this one, who am I kidding you'll love it, it's AVPM**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or AVPM.**

Harry was sitting in the Gryffindor common room with Hermione, Neville was on the other side of the room. Harry was playing his guitar.

"Harry don't you think you should figure out what the first task is gonna be?" Hermione asked "You could actually die if you're not ready."

"What, c'mon" Harry scoffed "I mean, can't you just do it for me? Can't you just prepare all my, all my stuff for me? What are you doing right now?"

Hermione looked down at the pad of paper she was writing on. "I'm writing your potions essay."

"Oh well do that first cause that's due tomorrow." Harry said. Hermione immediately started writing faster.

"But after that, after that, can you prepare for the please, thank you, you are the best." Harry said tapping Hermione on the nose. "You got it, thanks Hermione." Harry went back to playing his guitar.

Ginny walked in the common room, the whole time doing the rubber pencil trick.

"Hey Ginny Come here." Harry said. "I wanna show you something come here."

Ginny stopped and turned to him "Hey Harry Potter." She said as she walked over to him.

"Listen I wanna play this song that I've been working on, I met this girl that I really, really like. I wanna let her know that, You know, that she's really special." Harry said.

Ginny's face lit up.

"So, I just kinda wanna know what you think. Just for the purpose of this now, cause I'm still working on the lyrics, I'll put your name where her name should be, but I don't really think that it's gonna work out." Harry said. "Well, let me just give it a shot." He cleared his throat.

"You're tall and fun and pretty  
>You're really, really skinny<br>Ginny" Harry sang. Ginny was smiling the whole time.

"I'm the Mickey to your Minnie  
>You're the Tigger to my Winnie<br>Ginny

Wanna take you to the city  
>Gonna take you out to diney<br>Ginny

You're cuter than a guinea pig  
>Wanna take you up to Winnipeg<br>That's in Canada!

Ginny Ginny Ginny Ginny" Harry stopped "You know what, it just doesn't work for me at all, but I don't know how does that make you feel emotionally."

"Wow, wowee, Harry Potter." Ginny squealed.

"Don't you think it could have done, I don't know, make a girl fall in love with me?" Harry asked.

"I think it already has" Ginny said.

"Awesome, cause it's for Cho Chang." Harry said.

Ginny's smile faded "Oh yeah, she's beautiful."

"What are you nuts, Beautiful, more like Supermegafoxyawesomehot." Harry said "She's like the hottest girl I've ever met, she's far more attractive, far more appealing, far more interesting, than any girl that I know in my immediate group of a friends." He went back to playing his guitar.

Ginny had a frown on her face.

Ron came into the common room holding a bag of chips "What's up Neville" He said. When he got over to Hermione and Ginny he said "Move, move, move, move, move, move, move, move, move, Awesome."

They slid down onto the floor and Ron took the seats they had been sitting in.

"Hey Harry what's up, so I was just offstage hanging with Hagrid, and I saw these delivery wizards brining giant cages into the dungeons, I don't know what that's about." Ron said.

"Giant Cages?" Hermione gasped "I bet whatever's in those cages has something to do with the first task, Harry we have to find out what it is."

"Hey, hey guys, chill, I'm busy." Harry said before jamming out on his guitar again.

Hermione walked over to him and snatched the guitar away from him

"WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA." Ron yelled.

"NO, NO ,NO ,NO ,NO , NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO" Ginny yelled.

"Guys' listen, this could be a matter of life and death" Hermione said sternly.

"Well it doesn't matter because it's after hours, ok, and we can't leave the Gryffindor house, we'll probably get in trouble if we do, and even if we do, shlongbottom over there will probably tell on us." Ron said.

"Oh Neville won't tell." Hermione said.

"Oh yes I certainly will" Neville said.

"What are we going to do?" Harry asked.

"It's simple guys, the cloak." Hermione said.

Everyone looked at her shocked "Of course" Ron said.

"The Cloak" Harry, Ron and Ginny said standing up and looking out to nowhere in particular.

"Wait what cloak?" Ginny asked.

"Shut up" Ron said clapping loudly by her ear.

"Ah" Ginny squealed.

"All right guys, since I was a little boy at Hogwarts, I got a present last week, I got a present last year at Hogwarts." Harry said "And uh, it was left to me by my dad, my dad that's dead, my father's dead, I have a dead father. We use it to solve mysteries and stuff, it's my invisibility cloak." Harry pulled a shiny pink wrap out of a trunk.

"Yeah." Ron said, making jazz hands at the cloak.

"Oh wow, oh wowee Harry Potter, a real invisibility cloak. Oh you know what I would do with an invisibility cloak." Ginny said.

"Oh man I would kick wiener dogs" harry said.

"And I would pretend to be a ghost and I would scare people." Ron said.

"I'd use it to avoid ever having to face my reflection in the mirror" Hermione said.

Everyone looked at her a bit weirdly.

"Well actually I was going to say that I would use it to fake my death and then watch people cry at the funeral." Ginny said.

"Ok anyway, ok let's get out of here." Harry said as he started to walk out of the common room, Ron, Ginny and Hermione went to follow him.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa" Ron said turning to Ginny "where do you think your going."

"Um with you guys" Ginny said.

"No, no, no, no way, no kid sisters allowed" Ron said and Ginny looked hurt."Beside there's only enough room for two people under the cloak." Now Hermione looked hurt "so uh, come on Hermione come on."

Hermione smiled and handed Ginny the guitar as she ran out with Harry and Ron.

Ginny looked very sad.

"The way his hair falls in his eyes  
>makes me wonder if he'll<br>ever see through my disguise  
>and I'm under his spell" she sang, she tapped her wand to her head as she said 'spell.'<p>

"Everything is falling and I don't know where to land  
>everyone knows who he is but they don't know who I am<p>

Harry, Harry," She started to dance with the guitar.  
>"Why can't you see<br>what you're doing to me

I've seen you conquer certain death  
>and even when you're just standing there you take away my breath<br>and maybe someday you'll hear my song  
>and understand that all along<br>there's something more that I'm trying to say  
>when I say<p>

Harry, Harry,  
>Why can't you see<br>what you're doing to me." She hugged the guitar and everything faded to black.

**AN: Sorry for just saying everything faded to black but that's really all that happened, also sorry some of the lines may not be a hundred percent accurate, it's hard to hear sometimes over the laughter of the audience. Please Review.**


	7. Act 1 Part 7

AN: Sorry for the wait guys, I've been real busy lately.

Quirrel walked into the room swiftly.

"Master, Master, the shipments for the first half of the tournament have just arrived." He said.

Voldemort spoke from the back of his head "Yes I know Quirrel; I hear everything that you hear."

Quirrel took of his turban "Isn't it wonderful, we've made sure that Harry Potter's name was drawn from the cup and soon he will be ours." He said.

"Yes, it's really happening isn't it Quirrel. You know with the plan going so well, I feel like maybe we should celebrate. What do yah say Quirrel, how's about we go out? I hear it's karaoke night down at the hogs head." Voldemort said.

"I dunno," Quirrel said " I have all these papers to grade and I've been giving so much attention to this revenge plan that I've really gotten behind."

"Aww come on" Voldemort said " Quirrel, you've been working so hard all year, you deserve a night off."

"Well, what about the papers?" Quirrel asked.

"Oh just give them all B-'s and be done with it." Voldemort said.

Quirrel's mouth formed an O "Now that's evil."

"Well yah thanks, I am the dark lord." Voldemort said. "Come onnnnnnn, just a few drinks, and we'll try and pick up some chicks."

Quirrel frowned "I won't know what to say, I'm no good at that."

"Come on it'll be fun, you just move your lips and I'll do the talking." Voldemort said. After Quirrel hesitated he continued "Quirrel. Man. Listen. I may just be a parasite on the back of your head, who's literally devouring your soul every time you take a breath. But I can see that you're too good of a guy not to have a bit of fun once and a while. You deserve this."

"Well if you put it that way, then yeah let's just go wild tonight." Quirrel said.

Voldemort let out something that sounded like a shriek/Laugh and wiggled his tongue "Put on a fresh pair of wizard shorts and grab your tunic. Quirrel we are gonna get you laid. Seriously, man back when I had a body, I had mad game with the bitches. Just ask Bellatrix Lestrange."

Fade to Black

Fade up

Harry, Ron and Hermione walk in under the invisibility Cloak, which is only covering their heads.

"Well uh, this cloak isn't as big as it used to be."Ron said.

"Shh, someone's coming." Hermione whispered as Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle walk in. Malfoy looks around for a second, since he thinks he hears something.

"Did you just hear something?" He asks.

"No" Goyle said. "Only quiet. Maybe one raindrop."

"No matter." Malfoy said "Tell me Goyle, who do you think is the ugliest girl in school."

Goyle thought for a moment "Uh" he stroked his chin "Oh Buckbeak, for sure."

"Crabbe?" Malfoy asked.

"Uh, Winky the house elf." Crabbe responded.

"Good one. Obscure." Malfoy nodded. "Do you know who I think is the ugliest girl In school? That Hermione Granger. You know what I would give her on a scale of one to ten. With one, one would be the ugliest and ten, ten would be pretty. I would give her an eight, eight point five, but not, not over a nine point eight, cause there is always room for improvement. Not everyone's perfect like me, that's why I am holding out for a ten, cause I'm worth it. C'mon let's go." He said leaving, Crabbe and Goyle followed him.

"Wow what a bunch of jerks" Harry said.

"Alright forget them" Hermione said "now where did you say you saw those crates being delivered?"

"I think they were supposed to be delivered to the auditorium so they should be at the end of this hallway and to the left." Ron said.

The three of them pretended to walk on the spot away from the columns, which faded away in the distance.

"Look" Ron exclaimed.

"A goat?" Hermione asked.

"A goat!" Harry said. "Oh my god I have to fight a goat I don't know if I can do that morally."

Snape and Dumbledore entered. "And the goats have all been sent for feeding time headmaster." Snape said.

"Feeding time?" Dumbledore asked "Dragons don't want to be fed, they wanna fight."

"Did he just say dragons?" Harry asked.

"Did you just say 'did he just say dragons'?" Snape asked.

"I must have, because anybody else hiding in this room would have known to have shut up Potter." Dumbledore said.

"Headmaster do you really think it's wise to have children fight dragons?" Snape asked.

"No Snape, I don't think it's wise to do anything anymore. Like here I am alive and well today and I could very well be killed by you tomorrow." Dumbledore said.

"Why that's absurd." Snape said.

Dumbledore held out his hand to Snape. "Severus, let's go to bed, have you ever seen my room. I've got some pretty kicken' posters on my walls." As they walked away Dumbledore stopped holding Snape's hand so they wouldn't hit the trio, and then grabbed it again after they passed them.

"Well I am very tired." Snape said as they left.

Harry pulled the cloak off "man I have to fight a dragon, this is bogus. How can I fight a dragon, I'm just a little kid."

"Alright well maybe it won't be that bad Harry." Ron said "Like maybe you'll just have to fight like Mushoo from mulan. Or I don't know like, like Puff the magic dragon."

"Ron this is serious okay harry could die." Hermione said " Look there's still time, we just need to figure out a plan."

"Alright well we should probably do that back in the common room. Where's the cloak." Harry said.

"Well I threw it on that magical walking chair over there." Ron said.

"Well that's gonna be an issue." Harry said as they all left.


	8. AN

**AN: Hey! It has been a long time since I've been on this account, since my life just got too hectic to keep it updated. What I would like to know, is if there is a major interest in me continuing some of my old things. I will be posting this on a few of the stories I've got motivation for, so I would appreciate it if you left a review saying you are still interested.**

**Pretty much everything on here was written back when I was in middle school. Looking back now, I cringe at all the mistakes I made, so I am half tempted to just remove a bunch of things, but if there are any real interest I will keep going (You'll just have to excuse the horribleness of the chapters before). I don't think I would ever fully have the time to go back and edit everything, but continuing is a whole other story. There might be one story that I will completely re-vamp. **

**Anyways, my question to you is do you think this story is worth continuing?**


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